Men for HAWC
Domestic Violence - Free Zone
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DISCUSSION AND ACTION GUIDE:
We have outlined 14 principles of our work. It is a
draft and comments and/or suggestions are welcome.
The Gloucester Model: 14 Underlying Principles
1. The silence has to end. It is clear that if male culture tolerates
abuse, or condones it with a silent response, the abuse will continue
at current rates. But, if we end our silence and make it clear where we
live and work that abuse is unacceptable, we will see a dramatic shift
in male norms, broader support for victims and the agencies that serve
them, and a drop in the rate of abuse.
2.Location, location, location! Organizing men to speak out locally
will be more effective than working just at a regional or national level.
If men speak out in their community, the broader sense of connection or
pride in that community creates a boundary in which the message begins
3. Whats in a name? Giving a local name, such as Gloucester
Men Against Domestic Abuse, to the effort has great value. This allows
the group to have an ongoing presence in the community.
The larger group does not have to hold meetings. A steering committee
can provide the momentum and continuity needed. As one of the founders
expressed it Gloucester Men Against Domestic Abuse is not so much
an organization as an attitude. Our goal is to express this attitude and
then represent it where we work and where we live.
4 . The men are there. We have learned that many men are just waiting
for a vehicle to express themselves positively on these issues. The Gloucester
experience shows that men of all backgrounds are grateful for the opportunity
to help out. Many have told us they feel deeply honored by the communitys
5. No names without contact information. While gathering mens
names, or men for events, it is critical to obtain addresses, phone numbers
and/or emails for future contact, for fundraising, etc.
6. Speaking out as We. Speaking out as We
will be more effective than speaking in an accusatory way toward abusers,
and it honors the fact that we all have work to do. We have no excuse
for abuse is better than There is no excuse for your abuse..
Speaking in this way has 2 benefits: First, it helps all of us men become
more aware of our own issues of temper, anger, and control.. Second, it
does not push abusive men further into the hopeless corner they are already
7. Domestic Abuse-not just Domestic Violence. After noticing how
many of us could say we have nothing to do with the problem because we
arent physically violent toward women, we realized we could relate
much more closely to these issues when they include not just physical
violence but all forms of abuse. When we include
namecalling, insults, mockery,manipulative silence, etc. many more of
us see how we may be part of the problem.
8. Each community in its own way. Actions so far include parades,
community festivals, signature ads in newspapers,White Ribbon signature
campaigns, mens fundraisers for womens agencies, poster campaigns,
men holding rallies to put bumperstickers on their cars and trucks with
press coverage, and obtaining billboard space for messages. Other ideas
are bound to emerge.
9. No One Time Messages. If the ending of silence is to be effective
in a community it will need to be sustained.Holding a single event may
support the work of the local womens agency in important ways, but
it is unlikely to impact the male norms in the community. Big events need
to be followed up bumper stickers and posters are one way to keep
the message alive and have been very effective. Local access cable tv
shows can also be used to follow up on events, and often cable stations
will run shows multiple times.
10. Diversity. The men speaking out in a community must reflect
its particular ethnic, racial and economic diversity. Pro-feminist men
can give needed support to womens agencies and victims of abuse;
but only a mix of all the men in a community can impact the male culture.
This diverse mix has to be consciously built.
11. Conversation. In this work, conversation among men is better
than mailings. Men talking with each other about abuse is valuable in
itself, and it gives other men permission to do the same.
12. Many men prefer action to discussion. After a few men are involved,
its best to choose an activity that men can participate in. Men
talk with each other while doing the activity, rather than attending meetings
to talk about issues of masculinity and domestic violence. In addition
to larger public events, men have come forward to build a large playhouse
for the children at a shelter, to move agency offices from one location
to another, to help survivors move, to raise money for womens agencies,
13. Keep it simple. What is needed most from men is not complicated:
The initial request for participation can be simpleCan you
join with the rest of us in saying men cannot be strong by abusing
women and children.? Can you agree with us that Strong Men
14. Celebration. Although the issues are very serious this work
can be done in an upbeat way. We can convey a strong and clear message
against abuse, and at the same time celebrate our coming together to express
our capacity to be caring and loving.
& Action Guide in PDF Format [you will need the Acrobat
Reader, download Reader below & install if necessary]
Get Acrobat Reader
A SAMPLE DOCUMENT:
FEEDS ON SILENCE
WE WANT YOU TO JOIN 60 OTHER (GLOUCESTER) MEN ON FATHERS DAY.
WE ARE ALL GOING TO MEET AT THE HIGH SCHOOL AND ATTACH BUMPER STICKERS
AGAINST DOMESTIC ABUSE TO OUR CARS AND TRUCKS - MAKING A PUBLIC
STATEMENT THAT IS LONG OVERDUE.
Our women friends have been running 24 hour hotlines, safe houses,
legal advocacy teams and education and support groups- all to deal
with the results of widespread domestic abuse. And we men have been
silent bystanders! Come help celebrate the end of our silence. No
speeches are required. No grimness required. The simple fact of
all of us men taking this step together will offer a powerful message.
We can make it clear in our community that we men cannot make ourselves
stronger by dominating and weakening women and children.
We have a great mix of men who have agreed to join in. Most of us
have never been involved in public action such as this, but we know
now that it is time to stand up.
So far the following men have joined in:
Name name name name
Name name name name
Name name name name
We have the following choices for bumper stickers:
Domestic Violence Feeds on Silence.
Another Man Against Violence Against Women
Strong Men Dont Bully
Contact #______________________________ to add your name to the